So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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