there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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