You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
