definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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