Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I enjoy the company of your penis
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