my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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