Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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