...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
