Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
