ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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