Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh god the rape fog is back!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
