one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
