but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Your penis caused this!
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