mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
