I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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