Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
