I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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