i would punch a child for taco bell
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
