Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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