I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
