Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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