Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
