the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
