My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Randomize
