there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
