I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Its about making memories worth repressing
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
