he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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