you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
