I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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