i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Randomize
