Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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