winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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