this beer tastes like vomit already
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
