I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
