Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
