**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
