Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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