if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
