wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
