I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
