Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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