im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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