so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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