You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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