Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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