so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
