Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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