Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
