i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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