My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
