where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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